Original Publish Date: Nov 25rh 2009 2.24 PM (Damn I’m late)

“And I been getting high just to balance out the lows” - Drake

Disclaimer: No sense of humour, go fuck yourself. I am not asking you to participate or indulge in anything that will get you nicked, but if you do get nicked, shut the fuck up. Kids, don’t try this shit at home. Adults, don’t try this at home either. You got kids and they will know you know how to get high. Girls, don’t try this at your home. Try it in my home.

1. You get high - Errr no brainer. And this is the best fucking thing to do errr short of fucking. Now combine getting high and getting ass, you have a wonderful fucking time

2. Sex is better on weed - Trust me, you will not be able to ever convince a stone sober or drunk chick to do half the shit you do when you are on weed. Serious. Everything just seems so magnified and calm.

3. Cause Bob Marley said so - And he sang like a couple of thao tracks regarding this shit and you think I would say no to wisdom?

4. Its cheap - Return on your investment in weed is much much higher than on alcohol. Check this out, you drink 10 beers at the average 120 bob per beer and you have to wait 3 hours average to get drunk. Thats a cool 1200.00 bob and many of us are known to bed a crate easy. Now if you smoke 1200.00 bob worth of weed in one sitting you will go mad (a common side effect that we will ignore in this demonstration). A good weedy evening ends up costing around 200 bob for you and a friend.

5. Its a great way to meet people - Serious, weed friends always make an impression on your life. And remember that saying, “a friend with weed is a friend indeed”? Like the dealer, you cannot forget his face, he owns your life in 12cm. You are his bitch. Bend over and take it. The cop who nicks you, he owns your life in two bracelets. You get to meet people who will influence your life’s decisions forever. And ever.

6. Treehuggers love you - This is not a myth. All the treehuggers I know are stoners well, maybe except the lion kisser (link withheld), and all treehuggers are hot and athletic. 1 + 1 = 2, so yes, u can easily get a treehugger girlfriend or boyfriend, and if you are a stoner and he/she wil most likely be a stoner.

7. You are die-proof - Yup, you cannot die from smoking weed. You cannot OD. You haven’t heard anyone dying of smoking weed? Well, you can die from being stupid and weed makes you stupid, both short term and long term. Short term, you jump of a bridge assuming you are superman. Long term, the brain cells burn out slowly and by the time you are 900, you are senile like a maafaka. But its cool. By the time you hit 70, you will probably be on so many drugs, you will be burning the same amount of brain cells anyway, so you might want to take the scenic route.

8. You have very funny friends - I live in a house with a gecko and occasionally get some ass to come and play with the gecko and me. When the ass plays with the weed, the gecko turns into a dinosaur and sounds like George Bush wearing Osama’s turban. Occasionally, Gandhi and Pope John Paul II visit from the afterlife and well, with surprising effects. Unlike the standards if weed mellowing you out, Gandhi has become very aggressive, has dreadlocks and is dating Marilyn Monroe. John Paul II hasn’t changed much, except he swears a lot. A serious lot.

Since weedheads procrastinate, I did not quite get to finish this post. I started writing it on November 25th. Sad. Since I don’t swear anymore, I won’t finish this post.