I haven’t been feeling 900% but there is a lot of shit playing in my head lately so I have to just drop it. Its probably not funny, but just wanted to get it out. I have been writing this on paper (how pathetic) for the 4 days and I won’t lie, that Marriage Guide is kinda hard to beat, and I am not on any substances that might make me see shit all funny. My ego is letting me know I have 3000+ followers. Yay!!! I kicked Paula’s ass. Again. From a hospital bed too. Paula, get off that bleeding mountain and come rumble with me on concrete. Though I hear in the mountains and jungles (jungles, like we have them… ha ha ha) which is like your territory, you will go all Conjestina on my ass.

Usual disclaimer, no sense of humor, go fuck yourself.

The Good.

I went Pro. Yay!!! That means I get paid to talk shit. Expect my first pro article by 10th July, thats like in a week. The media company paying me tons and tons of money (zero actually) to not say who they are and why I should write things about them that are nice figure I can bash this out. For the moment, my pro work comes here as soon as I design the Pro Logo, but maybe I’ll build a Pro Network, and assemble a crew, like Lily (Disclaimer, I am NOT YET a shareholder in Lily)

Robel Expounded

A new twitter guy from Ethiopia living in America (like every other Ethiopian) has been writing some crazy stuff, so I thought I might expound a bit in MY own opinions and not @rawbubble.

1. NIGAZ - NNPC and Gazprom
Anyone want to bet that this will result in a scam with the Nigerians fucking the Russians, and the Russians killing the Nigerians? Whoever came up with that acronym (Russians) are fucking racist. That should have been a warning. We are here to fuck you. Those scam generating, drug dealing, pigeon speaking ,thick lipped, big nosed, dumb fufu eating bastards guys are about to get fucked beyond. Though I wonder, who is the bigger criminal here?

2. Masturbating with a condom on? - So where is the fun of squeezing away from the wet spot on the bed? Where is the fun of explaining to her, how a raw egg ended up in your bed? Or was it a bit of yoghurt? See if this pictures help

3. Britney IS DEAD. - So go kill yourself

3. Zebras on LSD - Babes, I know you want me to life your skirt up, move that purrty neon green g-string to the side and hit that, but shit, your ass is bubbling like a Zebra on LSD. But you know I am a nigga. Hop onto that mattress on the floor. Let me see if I can strike gold.

4. Elvis was a pedophile, Michael, an equal opportunities lover.
Yup, and we are fucking hypocrites. Elvis was fucking (????) a chick who was 14 and he was 24. Confirmed. The King of Rock does not get shit done to him. Michael shares the love with one boy who recants (the fucking liar and his daddy) and we crucify the shit out of him. If I was Michael, I would be excited to be dead too. Now this bastards can’t get him on shit.

5. Attraction is awkward
Cause its a bitch the first time you get her naked, get you naked, she looks at your penis and realizes you are trying to be a bitch and you have to look at her zebra ass and realize it is a bitch…

6. Its MY crown - Thats fucking right. In MY Kingdom, as I sit of My fucking throne, taking a shit fantasizing about taking a shit next to Kaz

7. The new revolution - Guys in Iran must have been going, this NIGA had to die now?

8. Muggers galore - Psyche bitch, I was lying. Its not a stereotype, its a fact. Now handover them valuables and take your fucking dentures out of the bag. Nasty bitch.

9. Tired of flirting - Come touch this. Here. Its not a banana. Look, I don’t consider them one night stands. They’re auditions.

10. I do want a bipolar bear - We can call it Martha, get it a Reverend to play with, and give it the toughest Ministry in the land. And if it goes bipolar, fuck it, make its life miserable, replace it with a wrinkled glass wearing monkey and make sure the two don’t meet to mate. Can’t cross breed em. Might get a fish loving Prime Minister who loves wearing stripper hats in the whole mix.

P.S. Don’t ever buy KCC Yoghurt. KCC is full of shit and should go fuck themselves. Why??? Cause their Yoghurt was 75 bob and tasted good and the reason we all bought it was because we wanted to see them develop it even better. Now cause this guys want to make a quick buck, as is the stupid fucked up mentality possessing majority of Kenya’s vision-less leaders like the PM and the Cabinet (except my big homie Najib), that shit tastes as whack as before, is 80 bob and I can get better tasting Brookside for 75 bob. Ofcourse we stopped buying Delamere cause Tom went shooting people in the ass and bribed his way into an got an 8 month Bid. So fuck KCC.