I think we are very lucky in the fact that we are able to recover multiple times from multiple bad decisions that we make annually as Kenyans. Fact of the matter is that we have multiple opportunities to make Kenya a great place but we get assholes like Shitanda opening their gabs and just proving to the rest of the world just how fucking stupid we appear. As far as I am concerned that nigger should be struck by lightning 5 times after being shitted out of a baboon’s asshole. He does not deserve to be a Minister, MP, or human being for any matters sake. And here is many other ways we just plain screw up on.

1. Kenya Airports Authority one of the greatest National embarrassments. From the word go, every time I go abroad and come back home, I am so disappointed by how shitty the airport looks. Plain simple, its an ugly dreary place that is worse than some ex-commie airports I visited over the last couple of years. Worse still, be in any airport and the lights go out. You are so fucked, cause a whole International Airport does not have a 600k generator to at least light the runway. Muhoho, fuck you. Chirau you frog looking bastard how can you possibly imagine that Muhoho is the best person for the job? You don’t deserve to be a minister. You are a fraud. A hack. I don’t want people to come to Kenya and see a kiosk for immigration, with rude crude immigration officers, overpriced Duty Free with almost zero stock, funny birds from all over getting ripped off by Beach Boys and Girls, listen on this one, if you are 65, boning an 18 year old beach boy/girl, either its lust at first sight, prostitution, or someone is getting ripped off. However, you might actually have met the one, or it could be just sex, but think smart tourists. Beach boys/girls, why don’t you guys ever go after akina Chirau? I mean, for a change would be nice to see Anyang Nyong’o involved in a sex scandal, or a Wako sex tape, or some shit like that. Or even Martha on the beach topless? Something. Anything.

2. I have to be critical of tourism in Kenya. Recently a couple of friends came from Davidson, NC to visit my mum and her buddies and we took them to the most obvious haunts, Museum, Giraffe place, Animal Orphanage, the usual. Now, we are talking an odd 20 people. Why, and please someone justify this do we have resident and non-resident fees? Cause we think they have more money? Are we fucking stupid? They have paid KQ 100k to come to Kenya, a further 50$ visa fees, and on top of that spend on average about US$ 600 - 2000 per visit, going to Maasai Mara, visiting National Parks and shit like that, so why are we asking them to pay more than what we pay? To me, other than plain racist, its plain fucking stupid. Take a taxi from the airport to town, as a Kenyan, 800 shillings to 1500. Try be white. 3k and the guy says he feels like you are ripping him off. Can someone pull someones head out of his/her asshole and talk about this? This is where impunity begins. Case and point, why do Matatu prices rise when there are many customers and drop when there few customers irregardless of traffic? We take advantage of people and we will never get rich because of stupidity. We need to stop this. Its disgusting and very pointless.

3. Its ICC time. Because the guilty ones, the ones who are saying we don’t need the ICC, those are the guilty ones. Take the bastards, all of them, make them realize no running. A local tribunal will be fraudulent because we are Kenyans and we will do best what we do. We will bribe, kill and intimidate the shit out of anyone who can say anything negative. Some people need to go. Now!!!

4. Some residents of Kisumu have just gone and proved how stupid they are, embarrassing their kinsmen and making it very hard for me not to generalize, because well, thats just how they are. Now, and I am not making this up or being tribalistic or racist or anything, but what the fuck does evicting the Town clerk have to do with uprooting Kisumu City Council fences, garbage bins and the very classic, burning the old trees? Trees that have been there for years? Now, lets make this a bit more interesting and in less than 24 hour, a diesel lorry overturns and that ignorant stupid bitch without a tooth wants to steal the diesel cause there is no fire there. The most obvious threats about horrifically dying in a fire, recently after another trailer burned 100+ people? How many months ago? And then a very stupid lot from Kericho went and got burnt yesterday. The very same day. Well yesterday cause this gets published in the morning. How? Surprise surprise, petrol tanker, free petroleum and a small blaze. This time round, I am with Lucy on this one. Fact of the matter, Kenyans are fucking stupid, they should burn each and everyone of them who thinks ripping off a petroleum trailer is a cool thing to do. Burn them all to heck. I wont say I am sorry. I won’t feel sad because someone got burnt to death over some business that they shouldn’t have been in.

5. Yes, I won’t feel guilty or sad or some shit like that. Cause when you are smuggling coke, heroin, or some shit like that into a country that has a death penalty for having that kind of shit, and your arse is facing Russia’s finest, well fuck you for being stupid. Hang them, imprison em, stupid bastards. I love life, and yes, I have admitted it, every once in a while, I occasionally eat my greens. But you will never ever catch me transporting shit for anyone for any reason to anywhere outside of my house. Eat your greens fresh. Never on planet fucking earth am I getting on a plane/car/boat/horse/ship even remotely high on anything that may be banned by anyone anywhere, including Amsterdam. The church can cry for their souls, but I will say it right now, no matter how desperate you are, if you find yourself on the end of a Chinese/Thai/Malaysia/Hell rope, facing an injection or Russia’s finest, you are fucking stupid!!!!

6. And the Catholic church goes on an affection spree. Kizito? I’m not talking about this, but Compiler, you have a tough job here. And then everyone else goes and starts doing funny shit. Fucking Kenyans. We don’t do shit like this. Never understood though, why do they always take pictures and keep an extremely detailed diary of how they go doing this shit? Seriously…

7. No Creatives and its a fact. The government is out of creative ideas, and is now just dragging us in their bullshit, big business is out of smart ideas and is dragging us through their bullshit, churches are out of fresh ideas and are dragging us through another couple of years of The Bishops bullshit, sure would have hoped for a better one on that, basically we are out of fresh ideas. If the best we can do is have majority of our government ministers in their twilight years, then we have serious problems. Does anyone think that Ole Ntimama has any fresh ideas? After all this years? Can someone give Anyang Nyong’o a fresh idea, like brother, shave??? Can someone tell the MP for Gichugu being Militant is only for Munguki? And from where she is shitting, stinks of Mungiki??? I mean, defend a criminal, you are either a lawyer or a fellow? Look at the possible 2012 lineup for President. Raila, whose best idea was to dye his hair. Uhuru, who can’t decide if he is an MP, Deputy Prime Minister, a minister, a Member Of Parliament, a raging alcoholic or the head of Mungiki, an MP who is boning a priest instead of eating comfort food, My honorable brother, the Ultimate Saint, brother in arms, saint of all saints, his merciful, honest honorable brother Pius Muiru, Kalonzo, who only sounds smart, and Gideon Moi who still can’t spell his name right and needs his wife to tie his shoe laces and pack him a lunch box? Does anyone on that list inspire creativity? Does anyone sound like a whiz???

Ah well, we have 9 lives right?