Lord, you know me. Thank you for giving me this moment. Mum, thank you. But don’t read my blog. I swear too much, and I know you hate that. You must love me. Dad, super hero, for bailing me out of the endless messes, thank you. Anyone reading this, I wrote, you read, thank you. I worked hard. I deserve this. If anything.

Archer, asante.

Rules

  • You must brag about the award (I just did that up there, no?)
  • You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
  • You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
  • Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
  • List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

10??? Fucking lightweights.

1. I love getting high. I was high when I wrote this.Go figure.
2. I always wanted to be a writer, so I started blogging. My original concept of my blog was a weekend travel and entertainment blog, about my exploits in London Watford with my buddy Mel. Wtf happened??? I support Watford. Vicarage Road stand up!!!
3. I have never been bowling all my life, never been to Carnivore, and haven’t been to watch a movie in almost 5 years. Ironically, my first movie in a theatre was Men In Black with my younger sister at Kenya Cinema and my last movie was Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon in Menlyn,
Pretoria, again with my younger sister.
4. I am quite spiritual (yes I am).
5. I can speak, read and write Kikuyu fluently, but know jack shit of Maasai. However, when it comes to Nyama Choma, dude, I can do a goat from head to toe in under 35 minutes solo. And during my rite of passage to manhood, when everyone was going to the clinic, I went down
to the river, minus anaesthetic. No shit. And I watched the surgery happen. The did things to me… Dear Lord. Eve, the fucking apple? And I was expected to slaughter a goat head to toe solo. I passed.
6. I hate labelling my beliefs, religions etc like Protestant, Orthodox, Pentecostal, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist, Devil Worshipper blah blah blah. I believe in God!!! Period.
7. People don’t believe that I don’t get angry. I am void of anger though I come across as a pissed off blogger. I am actually chuckling as I type posts. When I blog, I normally don’t know what I am gonna blog about from 5 mins ago. But sometimes I give it thought. Not too much, but I do.
8. Chocolate cake/Black Forest and chocolate ice cream, fucking hell, I can give up drinking and getting high for this. Maybe even sex. (The Sex Ban has taken care of that.)
9. I hate school. I think its a fucking waste of time. Some classes I attend (not bragging), I have more experience than the lecturer. I have been coding for 15 years. Yeah. And my very first code I wrote was a boot sector virus using Basic on an IBM 486 DX2 100 Windows 3.1 machine. I fucked it up. Though my very first experience with a PC was with a Unix machine. And my first PC book was a UNIX for Dummies book. I read more than 500 pages in less than 3 days.
10. My mum is my hero, my banker and a lot more things.
11. Guy Ritchie is my favourite movie guy. Someone I know hates RocknRolla. Baby, we need to talk about this. We can’t work if you hate this movie. Irregardless of how exotic you are.
12. I lived with Buddhist monks for almost 6 months in Dunstable, Beds. I was broke and they took me in. I took it very seriously.
13. If I ever get filthy rich, I am going to space. I want it so bad.
14. And I will buy a lion that I will keep as a pet.
15. I am retiring from coding in about 2 years. I am tired of coding. I actually hate computers.
16. I am dreamer, I love flying, I wish I could live inside a plane. The best parts are taking of and landing.
17. I won a baking competition in The Gauteng Bake thingy. I made cookies, and I beat an ancient granny who used to make them for her grandchildren in Oz.
18. One of my earlier jobs was in an internet cafe. For a drug dealer Nigerian (named Romeo), in
Pretoria. When an old lady came and asked for postal stamps so that she could e-mail her kids in New Zealand, I sold her R 100.00 worth of stamps. Did not feel jack shit about about it.
19. One of my best friends ever in life was a 50+ year old white gay Italian man called Gino, who is now dead from a bum ticker. He taught me a lot about women and racism. Gino, I know you are probably naseous from living in your mum’s handbag now, thank you for the inspiration. Every single day, I fucking miss you.
20. The Martha Karua Confessional: I had a huge crush on Martha Karua and Hillary Clinton, but shit changed. Martha found Wamugunda and Hillary fucked with Obama and Obama killed it. Then Palin heard about it and tried to become human. I heard there was even a movie about it.

You worked hard, so you deserve this too.

1. Overalatte - I actually loathe your blog, cause everytime I read it, 99% of the time I’m starving… love your blog. Brilliant stuff..

2. Intelligensia - One of the funniest guys I know.

3. Whiteafrican - He is cool.

4. Soleaddict - You know why.

5. Coldtusker - I think you are more pissed off than I am appear to be

6. Bankelele - Blogging Royalty. Blog King of Kenya.

7. Louizah - Deep shit. Deep beautiful shit.

And you, yes you, thank you for the weekend. You taught me a lot. Including the words guilt, lady and honourable. And conscience.